On The Road To Becoming Ungirdled: My Big Fat Prom Mistake(s)

(I am forgoing the tune of the week in order to provide a public service announcement – a warning, really – to girls about to attend prom.)

Prom is coming up at my sons’ high schools, bringing back for me memories good and horrific. Oh, if I had only known then what my Ungirdled self knows now. 

Sad, but here it is.  A photo of me, my date and friends at prom in 1980.  It was up on Facebook, and some younger, sassy people asked if this was prom on the Love Boat.  They also asked what the OLD MAN (a classmate!) in the white jacket was pointing at on the ceiling!  They do not know real dancing and have obviously never seen John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

I am sorry to have to report I am the one on the far right in the big, white tent dress.  The really sad part is that I had that dress specially made for the occasion by one of my mother’s friends.  And I don’t recall becoming a Mormon.  I had envisioned myself looking so sweet and pretty and Victorian in this lacy white dress with my new white ballet slippers that were all the rage at the time. 

Unfortunately, you can’t see my hair-“style” too well here, because you would be SHOCKED to learn I also PAID to have my hair professionally done.  That was something girls my age rarely did – we just did not have the money.  But, this was a special occasion.  The “stylist” said she knew just what to do to match up my hair with my dress, which I described to her rather than showed her, as it was being finished at that very moment, just a few hours before the dance. 

I should mention here that our prom occurred shortly after the movie 10 with Bo Derek came out.  The “stylist,” obviously drunk inspired  by Bo Derek’s hairstyle in the movie and equally stoned inspired by the 1960s family sitcom Family Affair, swept my hair up in a big, side ponytail (remember Sissy on Family Affair? – like that.)  And then she proceeded to braid the ponytail into 30 teeny, tiny braids, that she dippity-dooed the ends of and TUCKED UNDER INTO A HUMONGOUS BUN ON THE SIDE OF MY HEAD!  It was kinda like someone had sliced off just one of Princess Leia’s big ‘ol buns from her head – only worse.   I was silently questioning the “stylist’s” creation throughout its execution, but I was confident it would somehow come together at the end.  After all, she was a miserable, talentless skank pro.

Needless to say, no one mistook me for Bo Derek that night or even Sissy.  Once I put on the “dress,” the look was “Laura Ingalls meets Aunt Jemima.”  Some have described the look as pure Granny Clampett.  One thing’s for sure: the overall “effect” was way beyond a “Glamour Don’t.”  It was more a “Glamour NO YOU DID-INT!”

My date and boyfriend at the time went to a different high school, and we had gone to his prom the weekend before.  I had borrowed my sister’s ring dance dress for that occasion, (She was smart enough to buy a gorgeous dress that she could actually try on ahead of time!) and when I look back at the photos from that night, I was beautiful.  I had on a figure-flattering dress (Despite what you see in this photo, I really DID have a waist back then), as opposed to a tent, strappy high heels, and long, flowing hair that allowed me to walk upright, without leaning sharply to the right all night.  I should have worn my sister’s dress again to my prom once I saw how my prom dress turned out.  At the time, I felt I couldn’t possibly wear the same dress twice to a big dance, even though they were separate dances and the only person who would know was my boyfriend who probably would not have noticed anyway.  I also felt if my mom's friend had gone to all the time and trouble, I should wear the dress.

Today, my Ungirdled self would not hesitate to wear a dress twice.  I also would not hesitate to refuse to pay the “stylist” who did what she did to me that evening.   

As you can see, I was Ungirdled enough to dance, as were my friends.  We did not think we were too cool to boogie, boy, oh, boy have I got news for you. We got up on the flo' and boogie, oogie, oggied 'til we just couldn't boogie no mo'.

Ungirdled Lessons:  

1.  Borrow or re-wear a dress that looks good on you.  You DO NOT and SHOULD NOT wear some ugly ass little-house-on-the-prairie tent the entire Ingalls clan could have camped in just because somebody made it.  Take a photo in it for them, then go put on a good dress.

2.  Never try out a new hairdo hours before a big event.  It took friends hours, working in shifts, to undo that dippity-doed mess on the side of my head.

Ungirdled Recipe Of The Week!

Krispy Kreme Donut Bread Pudding 

With Butter Rum Sauce!

Recipe courtesy Paula Deen

You probably didn't think a Krispy Kreme donut could get any better. Leave it to Paula Deen to improve upon perfection.  Actually, she credits friend Bill Nicholson for this creation.  (Bill, you are obviously a genius - a hero really -and very Ungirdled.  If I weren't already married, I'd be camping outside your door.  If this is what you do with Krispy Kremes, I'd love to see what you do to Oreos!  Yes, indeed I would.)  

Anyhooo... This recipe has been referred to by some as “diabetes in a dish.”  But Ungirdled women know what dishes are worth the calories, (I promise this is one of them) and we don’t sweat it.  Each time I make it, I get rave reviews, and it is currently on the list of top ten recipes on Paula’s website.  I say it makes way more than 12 servings (it’s very rich and sweet but SOOO good – as Paula would say, “Slap-yo’-momma-good"), and you can be confident in my assessment of the quantity as well as the quality, as I am the biggest dessert eater I know.  Just ask my jeans.  Poor things.  I come from a long line of dessert eaters.  I've actually toyed with the idea of going pro.  Anyhooo...I think this makes, as my mom would say, a "gracious-plenty" for at least 20 guests, so it's great for a party or potluck.  

When I first saw Paula making this on her TV show, she said, after chopping up the GLAZED donuts, and pouring fruit cocktail in HEAVY SYRUP on them and soaking them in SWEETENED condensed milk, "This recipe has no added sugar in it.  That's pretty good, in't it?" 

Enjoy!  (Pssst!  Bill - call me!)

Krispy Kreme Donut Bread Pudding

Difficulty: Easy (TOTALLY Ungirdled)

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Inactive Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 1 hour

Yield: about 12 servings

2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts*

1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated)

2 (4.5-ounce) cans fruit cocktail (undrained)

2 eggs, beaten

1 (9-ounce) box raisins

1 pinch salt

1 or 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

Butter Rum Sauce, recipe follows

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Cube donuts into a large bowl. Pour other ingredients on top of donuts and let soak for a few minutes. Mix all ingredients together until donuts have soaked up the liquid as much as possible.

Bake for about 1 hour until center has jelled. (This is not in Paula’s recipe but I bake it in a 9” x 13” glass casserole dish sprayed with cooking spray.)  Top with Butter Rum Sauce.

Butter Rum Sauce:

1 stick butter

1 pound box confectioners' sugar

Rum, to taste (you can use vanilla here instead, but why would you?)

Melt butter and slowly stir in confectioners' sugar. Add rum and heat until bubbly. Pour over each serving of Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding.  

*In a pinch, I have used whatever glazed donuts I can find at the grocery store.  Just consider how the size (thickness) of the ones you buy compares to the original.

 

Ungirdled Celebrity Of The Week:

Paula Deen is the Ungirdled Celebrity of the week!  (You’ll see why she was chosen for this particular week tomorrow.)

Most of you know Paula is an accomplished restaurateur, cookbook author and Emmy-winning star of several Food Network shows.  She even co-starred in the movie Elizabethtown with Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst!  She has recently announced she will have her own syndicated talk show beginning in September 2009.  You can read and learn more about Paula at her website.  If you read her autobiography, It Ain't All About the Cookin', you’ll learn, in Ungirdled (and I mean UNGIRDLED) detail all about her Ungirdled ways.  The really cool thing about Paula (and there are many cool things) is that she is a self-made woman who achieved all her success later in life.  She survived some turbulent times (again, read her book for more – wikipedia also has an informative entry on her) and she came out a fighter, earning every bit of her many achievements.  Here’s what makes Paula Ungirdled:

 •  She ain’t afraid of no stinkin’ calories.  Or fat.  Or cholesterol.  Or added sugar.  When asked if she’s worried about the generous amount of fat and calories in her dishes (“a stick of butter, always a stick of butter,” is an ingredient in most of her recipes), she is known to happily reply, “I’m your cook, not your doctor!”

•  She always seems determined to have the most fun of anyone in the room and makes it a party wherever she is.  She seems to genuinely like everyone she meets.

•  When asked what the worst part of being a celebrity is, she answered, “When you don't look your best and someone recognizes you and all you can do is say ‘Oh, crap’ and go on.”

•  Like me, she knows Harry Connick Jr. is all that AND a box of hot Krispy Kremes.  (OK, that doesn’t qualify her as Ungirdled so much as it does really,  really, really smart.)

•  She does what she wants to do, without worrying what people will say.  See the accompanying video clip for proof: (I choose this clip from many of her on YouTube because it is especially appropriate for this week on Ungirdled Passion.)

Click Here For Paula - Living With Ungirdled Passion!

Oh, YES SHE DID!

If you didn't catch her on The View earlier this year, check this out (about six minutes):

Paula Ungridled on The View!

Don't you wish she was your neighbor!

OK, Now This Recession Has Gone TOO FAR!

I was working on another post as my first “real” post, when something alarming and disturbing came to my attention.  I knew you’d want to know about it too.

 

Just when I thought this recession couldn’t get any worse, THE WORST has happened.  I was strong when some of my favorite gift shops around town closed up, resilient when local real assessments plummeted, and I kept a stiff upper lip when I learned Polaroid would no longer make its magical cameras and film, but THIS is too much.

 

According to a recent prediction by Moody’s Investor Service, Krispy Kreme Donuts is in real danger of closing up shop. WTF?!!!  Most Ungirdled women will count Krispy Kreme donuts – their hot, glazed donuts - as one of life’s simplest yet greatest pleasures.  (Ungirdled woman have the experience and wisdom to know what is worth the calories.)  If you have never had the good fortune to go to Krispy Kreme when the “hot sign” is on and indulge in the warm, orgasmic goodness of their fresh-off-the-conveyor-belt glazed pieces of heaven in donut form, I urge you to go to www.krispykreme.com and seek out the closest location. TODAY.  Call ahead to find out when the hot light is on, and go there and wait.  You will not be sorry.  Don’t believe me?  Maybe you’ll believe world-renowned culinary expert Chris Rock.  This is what he has said about Krispy Kreme donuts:

 

“Krispy Kreme is Kracky Kreme.  That’s how good Krispy Kreme donuts are.  If I told you right now they had crack in it, you’d go, ‘I knew something was up.  I knew these donuts are too damn good.  Got me knocking on the donut window at 2 o’clock in the morning, going, “C’mon, man!  Open up man!  Give me one more donut!  I’ll do anything!  I’ll suck your (bleep)!  That should be the new slogan for Krispy Kreme.  Krispy Kreme:  so good, you’ll suck a (bleep)!  ’”

 

Unlike Chris Rock, I can’t guarantee that a hot Krispy Kreme will be (bleep)-sucking good to you.  Every woman sets her own (bleep)-sucking terms, and an Ungirdled woman’s are incredibly stringent.  I can promise you’ll be glad you made the trip.  Remember, the Krispy Kremes have to be hot.  A hot Krispy Kreme is an entirely different animal than a cold or even room temperature Krispy Kreme. 

 

While I don’t get to Krispy Kreme very often (it’s a good thing it’s located across town, otherwise I’d weigh every bit of 400 pounds), like the mother you don’t call every day, it’s always a comfort to KNOW it’s there for you.  Like many Ungirdled women, I have lots of fond memories involving Krispy Kreme donuts.  As a small girl, our brownie troop toured our local Krispy Kreme, delighted by the sight of those beautiful rings of dough taking a gentle bath in hot oil, followed by a shower of glistening sugar glaze.  My father would make an early morning fishing trip more appealing with the promise of a hot Krispy Kreme on the way to the shore.  Throughout middle school and high school, we sold dozens to fund school field trips and activities.  When we were young and mom had to be hospitalized for a hysterectomy (that’s when they use to hand out hysterectomies like bank tellers handed out lollipops), my father wanted to console us in her absence with a treat of hot Krispy Kremes for breakfast.  Knowing he wouldn’t have the time to drive to Krispy Kreme and back that particular morning, he purchased the donuts the night before to warm them in the oven for us the next morning.  I grew up thinking my daddy could do no wrong.  But I soon found out trying to make your own hot Krispy Kremes was a big, heaping bowlful of wrong.  They turned hard and crunchy and truly inedible.  We laugh about it now, but it took decades to get to that place.  There are few things worse than anticipating a hot Krispy Kreme and getting what we kids actually got that day.

 

I encourage you to take your children or grandchildren and make your own special…sniff…Krispy Kreme memory before it’s…sniff, sniff…too late.  Be sure to take your…sniff…Polaroid to capture the event.

Welcome To Ungirdled Passion!

            I am so pleased for you to meet my blog!  I decided to do this blog, not because I think I am hot shit personally have something special to say.  It’s that I think most women around my age have lots of interesting things to say.  Women of a certain age have a lot of wisdom to share, and seem more relaxed and ready to have some fun.  That sent my blogological clock ticking.

        Truth is, I loved this blog before it was ever born.  I named it and anxiously awaited its arrival.  Sure, I put on a few pounds while it was incubating, but the weight gain actually started before conception – about the time most of my estrogen ran off with my skin’s elasticity.  This baby’s recently robbed me of a lot of sleep, too, but so have the hot flashes.

          This is how Ungirdled Passion was conceived:  my partner and I, (Vicki Bruner, artist extraordinaire who is responsible for the ungirdled gal which graces this blog’s header) were in love…with the debut of our greeting card line “Broad Appeal” (see “Broad Appeal” products at www.bottman.com) a short while back when a publisher contacted us about turning the line’s concept (basically, women of a certain age laughing at life) into a book.  (I write the cards; Vicki does her illustrating magic on them.) We were swept off our feet, and quickly came up with the proposal and submitted to the publisher’s desires.  Then we waited.  And waited.  AND WAITED. We called the publisher to see why we hadn’t heard from her.  Seems she wasn’t really interested in a commitment after all.  We were just playthings to her.  Basically, a one night stand.  Too late for us, though; the baby had been conceived – even named.  As I learned more about blogs and my blogological clock ticked louder, I thought it was time to thaw this embryo-on-ice and stick her in the oven.  Like the octomom, I’m not going to let anything fertilized of mine go unborn!  At my age, good ideas (and good eggs) are becoming more rare!  The publisher had convinced me I could come up with a book.  I convinced myself I could turn the concept into a blog.

              I know some may ask, “Does the world really need another blog?” and, “Isn’t the world wide web blog population out of control?”  I ask those skeptics, “Who are we to decide which blog lives and which blog goes?  Isn’t that really up to God?”  Who knows what this blog might grow up to be?  Maybe this will be the blog to discover the long-anticipated cure for boredom.

           You might be curious about the sex.  The truth is, I really don’t care about the sex.  The important thing is that it’s a healthy, happy blog.  That said, sex will be mentioned from time to time.

          Now about the blog’s name.  I was tempted to name it "I Really Don't Think I'm Hot Shit," but I chose “Ungirdled Passion,” because I’ve noticed that as we women reach a “certain age,” we seem to relax more and gain the confidence and freedom to truly be ourselves.  We no longer feel the need to keep things penned in – our wisdom, our emotions, our dreams and desires, and most of all, our stomachs.  Our bellies are symbolic of the trials and triumphs of our lives and the subsequent lessons gained from them.  They’ve stomached demanding bosses, judgmental mothers-in-law, sassy teenagers, and unreasonable landlords. They’ve also housed precious babies. 

          A woman living with Ungirdled Passion realizes her experience and gut instincts are the only foundations she needs.  She’s shed her societal girdles as well as any nylon ones.  She realizes the only way to truly live is on her own terms.  She knows those terms may be different for everyone, and that’s OK!  Actually, it’s fantastic! I hope Ungirdled Passion will be a place you’ll come to let your hair down, to share stories, tips, and strategies while celebrating the strength, the wisdom and special sisterhood of Ungirdled Women!

            You’ll be glad to know I’ve chosen to be a stay-at-home blogger.  I want to nourish this baby to its full potential, and, most importantly, commit to a job that allows me to sit on my ungirdled ass in my PJs.  I hope you’ll become a follower and subscriber and join me on this ungirdled journey!  My goal is to provide something new each weekday.  Here’s the planned schedule: 

Mondays - the week’s main post. 

Tuesdays - the Ungirdled Celebrity Of The Week.  

Wednesdays – the Ungirdled Recipe of the week.  

Thursdays -  Ungirdled Tune of the week.  

Fridays - anything goes.  Could be an Ungirdled rant, rave, shopping tip or poll.

           Please let me know what you think and feel free to share any of your ideas, recipes or stories here! (leave a comment below or email me:  vivahaha@cox.net) Please don't forget to become a follower and subscriber!  (see controls on the left)  Thanks for visiting!