Katharine Hepburn: This Week's Ungirdled Celebrity!

I don’t have to tell you who Katharine Hepburn is.  As an Ungirdled woman, you probably love her too.  She is the ultimate Ungirdled woman.  She holds the record for most “Best Actress” Oscars with four wins out of 12 nominations.  She is also the winner of an Emmy, two Tonys, and eight Golden Globes!  I think my all time favorite Hepburn picture is a tie between The Philadelphia Story and Guess Who's Coming To Dinner.  If you haven’t seen either of these, rent them as soon as you can.  I can’t imagine you wouldn’t enjoy them too.  We lost Katharine in 2003 at age 96.  She lives on in so many wonderful films, her fascinating autobiography Me and a biography Kate Remembered by longtime friend A. Scott Berg who she asked to write her story and publish it after her death.  Both are great summer reads.  Katharine lived a truly Ungirdled life.  

Here are some favorite Ungirdled quotes from Katharine:

• I never realized until lately that women were supposed to be the inferior sex.

• Life is to be lived. If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting. And you don't do that by sitting around wondering about yourself.

• Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four.

• If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.

• If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.

• Enemies are so stimulating.

• Loved people are loving people.

• Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only what you are expecting to give — which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving.

• If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

• Plain women know more about men than beautiful women do.

• If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.

• Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I've had my share. But whatever happens to you, you have to keep a slightly comic attitude. In the final analysis, you have got to not forget to laugh.

• Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

• I don't think that work ever really destroyed anybody. I thik that lack of work destroys them a hell of a lot more.

•  Dressing up is a bore. At a certain age, you decorate yourself to attract the opposite sex, and at a certain age, I did that. But I'm past that age.

•  Never complain. Never explain.

Click here for a short clip that shows Kate at her Ungirdled best in Guess Who's Coming To Dinner!  Links to two books I thoroughly enjoyed:

 

Newsweek Blasts Oprah! What’s Next? There’s No Santa?!

My hands trembled as I read the cover of this week’s Newsweek I pulled from the mailbox (see right).  There was a photo of an almost crazed and emotional Oprah with the title, “CRAZY TALK – OPRAH, WACKY CURES & YOU.”  They were calling Oprah, THE Oprah, crazy?  Her advice “wacky?”  This was utter blasphemy.  Oprah is like God.  Think about it.  They're both worshiped by practically everybody, they’re both everywhere, and their bank accounts are pretty evenly matched.  This was obviously a joke or the work of the devil.  I quickly flipped to the feature to find out which. 

It was no joke.  Newsweek essentially calls her out for providing what they say many experts believe to be reckless, potentially harmful medical advice.  They question the accuracy and credibility of information presented on bio-identical hormones, cosmetic procedures, thyroid dysfunction and much, much more.  They even take on, gulp, The Secret!  It is one of the longest features I can remember reading in Newsweek.  I wonder if it’s fair to call Oprah’s show “Crazy Talk.”  I think the message to take away is that you have to view Oprah’s program as what I think it's intended to be:  entertainment.  If information presented interests you, use it as a starting point and do your own research.   Don’t take it as the gospel.

I have to admit, sometimes watching Oprah makes me feel bad about myself.  I’ll think I’m doing really good after watching a Dr. Oz segment, because it convinced me to eat low-fat yogurt with fresh berries for breakfast.  Then, Oprah features some guy who eats a bowl of apple PEELS for breakfast (not apples mind you, but the PEELS, as that’s where the nutrition and fiber are).  He eats a GINORMOUS bowl of raw veggies (no dressing) for lunch.  I can’t remember what dinner was – probably a glass of air and a nap.  This guy believes in eating a lower-than-average number of calories each day and wants to make his food choices count.  He does this to live a longer "life." Anyhooo… I felt like a big fat loser after watching that episode. 

I am often confused watching Oprah.  I see an episode about living simply and Suze Orman telling us not to spend money on anything, and then one with that cute Nate Berkus showing all the things we can do and buy to spruce up our homes.  I learn that the only thing I should worry about is being my authentic self.  Then Oprah features make-up artists and designers showing us all kinds of wonderful make-up tricks and fashions to camouflage our flaws.  Oprah tells us “things” won’t make us happy, but her audiences on her annual “Favorite Things” shows seem pretty pleased with all the loot she gives them.  

But, as I’ve learned from Oprah, I am the one giving her and her show the power to make me feel bad.  No one can allow someone to get to me but me.  So there, Oprah!  Thanks to you, I know you are not the boss of me!

The real question is, what's Oprah’s responsibility to us?  We trust her.  We believe what she says. We show this by rapidly buying up whatever book or product she features on her show. Oprah is an entertainer, not an investigative journalist or a doctor.  An entertainer.  But she’s become something more.  Something the likes of which we’ve never seen.  When she features a book or a product, it literally, overnight, becomes a best seller.  Seems no one is as powerful, persuasive or as influential as Oprah.  Yet at times, we almost feel like she’s one of us – a sister, or a girlfriend.  How many of us actually have much in common with the single, childless celebrity billionaire, though?  

I know the Oprah machine is a business, created to make money.  I know Oprah’s staff and producers come up with the segments and stories they do to lure viewers and advertisers.  (Isn’t that also what Newsweek is doing by taking on the queen of talk in a cover story?) Still, I really do think Oprah wants to do right by us. Oprah plays big.  She takes big chances to do big things.  When you do that, and you make the occasional mistake, it might be a big one.  The plus side is you’re going to make big, positive differences and changes, too.  We have to be the ones to be responsible citizens, consumers and patients.  Oprah’s not God.  I think sometimes we just want to believe she is – that she always has THE answer.  That’s an awful lot to ask of a mortal.  Even if it is Oprah.

What do you think?  Take the poll in the upper left hand corner and weigh in.  Read the Newsweek article here.

Fresh Tomato Bow Tie Pasta - Ungirdled Recipe Of The Week!

This recipe is an easy, quick throw-it-together thing (meaning SUPER UNGIRDLED) you can tinker with to your liking.  We make it all the time and everyone always wants the recipe, even though there really isn’t one, but here is how it’s thrown together:

•  1 lb. box of bow tie pasta

•  10 teaspoons (or 3.5 TBS) of chicken bouillon

•  1 pint or more of grape tomatoes or an equal amount of whatever variety of fresh tomatoes you have on hand (more is better if you have it.  I always like using grape tomatoes.  They’re easy and the flavor is always nice and sweet.)*

•  8 ounce block of feta cheese, crumbled (I like to get a big ol’ tub of it from the wholesale club)

•  Extra virgin olive oil

•  5-6 cloves fresh garlic minced*

•  Handful of fresh basil*

•  Shredded parmesan

•  Red pepper flakes

Bring 10 cups water and 10 teaspoons of chicken bouillon to a rapid boil.  Add the bow ties and cook per package directions (about 11-12 minutes).  Meanwhile, pour about two tablespoons olive oil in a bowl and add half the garlic to it.  Cut grape tomatoes in half (or cut whatever type of tomatoes you’re using in small chunks – if you have large tomatoes, you’ll want to seed them) and add to the bowl.  Cut basil leaves into thin ribbons over tomatoes.  Toss all together.  Just before the pasta is to be drained, reserve about 2/3 cup of the pasta water and set aside.  Drain pasta, pour about two tablespoons of olive oil in the warm pan and place it back on the burner you’ve turned to low.  Toss the rest of the garlic in the pot, stir and cook for about a minute.  Pour in pasta water (this starchy water makes the pasta creamy) and a handful of the crumbled feta and stir.  Add the pasta and turn to coat.  Add the tomato mixture and the remaining feta and gently toss.  Serve immediately with parmesan cheese and red pepper on the side. 

We serve this with flank steak (see last Tuesday’s post), salad and crusty bread for a really Ungirdled, yummy, casual dinner party.  Enjoy!

* I like to save slicing tomatoes, mincing garlic and cutting basil for my guests to do.  I want them to feel at home, and more importantly, this frees my hands for drinking.  If you don’t grow your own basil in the summer, you really should.  It’s easy and grows like a weed and saves you lots of money.  Just pinch off the tops of your basil plants as they start to flower and water frequently, and you should have basil all summer long!

Lily Tomlin - Ungirdled Celebrity Of The Week!

Ungirlded Women have fond memories of watching Lily’s characters Ernestine, Edith Ann and others on the sketch comedy show Laugh-In.  Since then, Lily has delighted us in many film roles, including those in 9 to 5, Nashville, All of Me, I Heart Huckabees and many others.  She has appeared in numerous TV specials and series including roles in Murphy Brown, The West Wing and Desperate Housewives.  She is the winner of a Tony, an Emmy and a Grammy and has been nominated for an Academy Award.  She is also an accomplished writer and producer.

Born in Detroit on September 1, 1939, Lily was obviously Ungirdled even as a young girl.  I’ll never forget reading that when she and her younger brother Richard were growing up, they decided the living-room sofa would look better as a sectional. Being practical as well as Ungirdled and crafty, Lily and Richard reportedly took a saw to the family couch and divided it into three pieces.

Some favorite quotes from Lily:

• Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

• For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

• I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

• I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

• I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

• If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

• If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.

•  Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

•  Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

•  The road to success is always under construction.

•  The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

•  Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

Click here for quick, lovely walk down memory lane with Lily

Shopping Etiquette For The Un-Ungirdled

There are more peri-menopausal and menopausal women in the U.S. right now than ever before – over 40 million of us.  What does this mean for the rest of you?  Well, chances are, that while running errands, you’re likely to encounter a woman whose patience has been stretched dangerously thin by an overabundance of insults from teenagers, rapidly-plunging estrogen levels, and hot flash-induced sleep deprivation.  This is not someone you should irritate. So, as a public service, here are some tips for getting along with the Ungirdled while shopping.  Ungirdled Women:  you may want to copy and print out copies for your fellow shoppers!

1. Do NOT bring your screaming, crying, lunch-and-nap-deprived tot shopping.  The only possible reason you could have for subjecting your fellow shoppers and your precious child to this torture is that you are in desperate need of food, medicine or diapers for him, and I am pretty sure Off Broadway Shoes does not sell any of these things.
2. When you are in line behind an Ungirdled Woman in the checkout aisle, do not, I repeat DO NOT, put your purchases on the cashier’s conveyor belt UNTIL the Ungirdled Woman has finished placing ALL her purchases on the belt and then placed the little bar designated to separate orders on the belt. It makes us rather agitated to see your things whizzing by on the belt as we’re still unloading ours from our carts.  DO NOT stand at the check-writing podium in front of the cashier while the Ungirdled Woman is bagging her groceries and BEFORE she has paid!  If you do so, we can not promise that  you will leave the store with all the hair you came in with.  At least not still attached to your head. 
3. Do not stand WITH YOUR CART in the middle of the overcrowded Trader Joe’s/T.J. Maxx/Target aisle, blocking the rest of us from gathering items on our shopping lists. Stick to the side of the aisle, keep moving, or leave your cart at the end of a crowded aisle while you retrieve the desired item from it.  Bottom line:  SHOP LIKE YOU MEAN IT OR GET OUT!  
4. Please do not loudly blather on and on about every inane detail of your trifling life on your cell phone or blue tooth while shopping.  Kudos to you for knowing someone pathetic enough to be interested in knowing that you are shopping for a sweater to go with your coral Carpi pants and you found one you absolutely love but they only have it in small and large, and you really think you need the medium, but the large does look like more like a medium, and you are wondering if you should just get it and try it on at home, because you really hate to try things on in the store, but you also hate returning things, so you’re just not sure.  Isn’t this what that Twitter mess is for?  To instantaneously share such vital, fascinating news with all your fans?  Please spare Ungirdled shoppers, as we would rather listen to our own thoughts, nails on a chalkboard or even a screaming, crying, lunch-and-nap-deprived tot.
5. We know it’s America and you have every right to smoke if you so choose despite nearly every public place in America now banning it, but please do not stand just outside the entrance of a store to exhale and share all the noxious chemicals with the rest of us.  See, that is the reason why a lot of the stores have banned smoking inside them.  People who don’t smoke, really don’t want to.  It smells.  Really bad.  And, believe it or not, they have found it’s bad for your health.  EXTREMELY bad.  Thanks for wanting to share and everything, though.

Thanks ever so much for your cooperation.  Following these tips should help make for more pleasant shopping experiences and less assault and battery charges for all of us!

CLOSEOUT SALE on remarkably chic magnets like the one shown above, and lots of other swell gifts at Bottman Design.

Have A Happy Period? You Just Know A Man Came Up With That One.

For those of you who enjoyed last Friday’s blog regarding making tampons and maxi pads more like fortune cookies, longtime friend, college roommate and alert blog reader Flo* has submitted this ideal follow-up.  I apologize if you’ve seen it before, but I had to be sure you saw it.  It's just precious.  It's a love letter written by Wendi Aarons who has her own hilarious blog to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine hygiene products.  It allegedly won PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail letter.   I think Wendi eloquently speaks for the Ungirdled sisterhood here:

Dear  Mr. Thatcher, 

I have been a loyal user of your “Always” maxi  pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer  clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is  that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my  pants. 

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right  now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an  inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? 

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during customers’ monthly visits from “Aunt Flo.” Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. 

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I  opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive  backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.”

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny, middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?  WELL DID IT, JAMES?  FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything “happy” about a day in which you have to jack  yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house  just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a  hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of  glory. 

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like “Put down the Hammer” or “Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong?” 

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. .  . 

Best, 

Wendi  Aarons 

Remember to check out Wendi's blog!

Really swell greeting card shown above (and more like it) can be purchased at Bottman Design.

*All friends mentioned in this blog shall be referred to as Flo (not actual name) to protect the guilty and cover my Ungirdled arse!

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!  Period!

Whoopi Goldberg: Ungirdled Celebrity Of The Week!

Ungirdled hair, Ungirdled words, Ungirdled heart, Ungirdled talent.  There are so many reasons to love Whoopi Goldberg: her many wonderful roles in movies (over 100) and on Broadway, her comedy routines, her charitable work, and her enviable patience with the yet-to-be-Ungirdled Elisabeth Hasselback on The View. 

Whoopi is one of only ten people who can claim the honor of winning an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony Award, as well as a Daytime Emmy Award!  She was the first woman to host the Academy Awards solo!  She also has her own production company.

For decades, Whoopi has tirelessly worked for a host of charitable and community causes including AIDS, children’s issues, healthcare, homelessness and substance abuse.  She has said, “I fear waking up one morning and finding out that my life was for nothing. We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark.”

More Ungirdled Quotes From Whoopi:

“Normal is in the eye of the beholder.”

“Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine”

“. . . what I am is a humanist before anything -- before I'm a Jew, before I'm black, before I'm a woman. And my beliefs are for the human race -- they don't exclude anyone.”

“An actress can only play a woman. I'm an actor, I can play anything.”

“That's the thing about Mother Nature, she really doesn't care what economic bracket you're in.”

"I am an artist; art has no color and no sex."

"I don't have pet peeves, I have whole kennels of irritation."

Things you might not know about Whoopi:

•  She was born “Caryn Elaine Johnson" on November 13, 1955. She got the name “Whoopi Cushion” as a child due to a problem with flatulence.  She later shortened the name to “Whoopi,” and made Whoopi Goldberg her legal name, honoring the Jewish side of her family (and, obviously, her ability to pass wind!  You gotta love the Ungirdledness of that!) 

•  She’s been diagnosed as having both dyslexia and ADHD.

•  Before making it big in the entertainment industry, Whoopi worked as a bricklayer, a make-up artist at a mortuary and a bank teller.

Click here for a small taste of Whoopi's Ungirdled style during a recent interview on The View in which she (rightfully, it seems) calls Glenn Beck “a lying sack of dog mess.”  You can't get a whole lot more Ungirdled than that.