Ungirdled Passion: February 2011

Friday, February 25, 2011

Bunco, Book Club - When It Comes To Health Benefits, You Can Say BINGO!

How does having a regular "monthly" benefit your health and well-being? In more ways than you might ever imagine! If you've ever had guilt heading out the door for your monthly club meeting, read about the benefits here and banish that guilt for good! It's my monthly guest column at Health Bistro! Thanks for visiting! I would love to hear how your "monthly" benefits you in the comments section at the end of the post.

You Might Be An Ungirdled Woman If...

• You usually find yourself to be the most interesting and amusing person at a party.

• You've reached the age when you need to drag out just as many tools to prune and trim your face as you do your yard.

• You don’t make a habit of using Halloween as an excuse to dress as a skanky “French maid” or pirate wench with low-cut top, micro mini dress, fishnet stockings and four inch heels (such practical garb for cleaning or sailing the high seas!).

• You’re interested in a man who performs well in your flower bed.

• There’s no way you would go back to your 20s, unless you could take your current-day mind, heart and soul (and bank account) with you!

• You’d like to taser those who say you should just think of hot flashes as power surges. Such people probably think those with herpes should think of the condition as a reminder that somebody once found them attractive.

• You think wearing thong underwear makes as much sense as using a strip of scotch tape instead of a baggie to protect your sandwich.

• Life has taught you a lot, and you and look forward to learning even more… with Ungirdled Passion!

(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

(Not-Yet) Frequently Asked Questions:

I like to think of myself as a visionary. I'm not, but I like to think of myself that way, so in anticipation of your questions, I've provided the following. Feel free to email me at vivahaha@cox.net if I forgot anything.

Q: What is you favorite weapon to use in a bar fight?

A: NEVER the cocktail I am holding. That is always a LAST resort. I’ll use whatever is closest to me, as after years of bar fights, I have learned to improvise – a pool stick, cocktail onions, a bar towel - you’d be amazed what I can do with those things - especially when I'm running low on estrogen.

Q: Hellman’s or Miracle Whip?

A: Duh. Duke’s mayo – always. The light version is also the best light mayo in my opinion.

Q: What should I get my mother-in-law for her birthday?

A: Anything from Making Happy! You can conveniently shop in the comfort of your home for handcrafted gifts and home decor MADE IN AMERICA at http://www.etsy.com/shop/makinghappy

Q: Which Darrin did you like the best on Bewitched?

A: Mmmmm. This has always been a hard question for me. Because the first Darrin, (Dick York, 1964-1969) was dorkier and seemed weaker and genuinely more panicked about Samantha’s powers, he didn’t make me quite as mad as Darrin #2 (Dick Sargent, 1969-1972) whenever Darrin got angry at Samantha for using her powers when he deemed it inappropriate. I’ve never quite gotten over the fact that they changed Darrins on us.

Q: Do you talk about Fight Club?

A: Never.