Christmas Card For The Recession

Here's a Christmas card I wanted to make and send for these tough economic times, but my husband said no:

Neal Conan of NPR's "Talk of the Nation" read it on his show this week when I submitted it for a segment on "Holiday Cards For The Recession." I thought I'd share it with you, as I suspect the Ungirdled have more sophisticated tastes than my better half and would appreciate it too!

Best wishes to you and yours for a very merry holiday season and a healthy, happy, love-filled, and PROSPEROUS new year!

Photo for album cover came from here.

Homemade Funny Family Christmas Cards

Every year we like to do something silly for our family Christmas card. Thought I'd share a few ghosts of Christmas cards past.

The one above was featured in our local paper.

The one above was featured on "Live With Regis & Kelly" and in our local paper!

More to come! In the meantime, happy holidays and best wishes for a new year filled with love, laughter, good health and happiness no matter what holiday you celebrate!

Ungirdled Finds For Fall (And An Overdue Apology!)

(I know. I know. It’s been a loooong time. A real long time since I’ve posted, and I apologize. Truth is, I’ve been busy working on a shop on etsy.com (if you haven’t visited, you really should – sooo much cool stuff by thousands of great artists and crafters. I’ll post more on my humble little etsy shop once I get it all set up.

The reason I began work on an etsy shop is because, while I have found it really fun and personally rewarding to write this blog, I found out that blogging pays very little in the way of cash, moola, dinaro. At least for me. The upside is that I have made so many new friends and met so many wonderful folks – readers and bloggers - from literally all over the world! Everyone has been so kind and supportive. I wish mortgage companies, car insurance companies and colleges would accept blog love as payment, because I am truly grateful to have received so much of it, but alas, they won’t. So what I decided to do was try another way to make some serious coin and blog every once in a vs. several times a week. So that is what I shall do. I greatly appreciate you and thank you for your continued friendship, encouragement and Ungirdled Passion!)

Fall Fashion Find!

Don't you love flower pins? I have found a great source I wanted to share: a wonderful artisan named Wendy Allen selling under the name Miss Fitt & Company. See her goodies here. I bought the three pins pictured below. They are listed under “bits and bobs.” Wendy crafts them so they work as a pin or bobby pin. I bought a similar type of pin at J. Crew for twice the price and I love hers more. I am pinning mine on jackets, scarves, and purses - maybe even shoes! There are three types of flowers and lots of color combinations. These are the three I chose:

My pins arrived promptly, and I think were even prettier than pictured. (Each pin varies since they are handcrafted.) I am now jonesing for one of her Hibiscus Mufflers:

Ungirdled Fall Food Find!

We recently (FINALLY!) had a Trader Joe’s open in our city. I have discovered many things there my family loves. We love their Rosemary Ham (in the cold cut section) with their asiago cheese slices on a sandwich. Their Southwestern Chicken Quesadillas grilled on your stovetop and served with their fresh salsa (I call it pico de gallo) and homemade quacamole are out of this world. I concocted a new favorite recipe that is really easy (Ungirdled) and the perfect food for fall and winter colds using their Thai Shrimp Gyoza (I call ‘em pot stickers). You can find them in a gold bag in the frozen section. (If you don’t have a Trader Joe’s near you, you could substitute frozen potstickers from your grocery store.) I use two bags for my family of four, because we are part pig. We usually have some leftover for a lunch or two the next day.

Ungirdled Gyoza (Potstickers)

• Two 16 oz. bags Trader Joe’s Thai Shrimp Gyoza

• 1 bag shredded broccoli slaw from the produce section

• 4 teaspoons minced garlic or to taste (I use the kind in a jar from the produce section)

• 2 teaspoons minced ginger or to taste (Again, I use the kind in a jar from the produce section)

• Chopped green onion for garnish (plus it’s good!)

• 3 cans chicken broth (more if you want a lot of broth!)

• Few dashes sesame oil

• 3-4 tablespoons peanut or canola oil

• Soy sauce

To accommodate all the potstickers from two bags, I use too large nonstick skillets. Divide and preheat the peanut or canola oil along with a dash or two of sesame oil in each skillet. Place Gyoza flat side down and sauté on medium high heat for four minutes or until skins turn slightly brown. In the meantime, mix chicken broth, ginger, garlic and a few dashes of soy sauce together in a large bowl. When potstickers have turned slightly brown, divide and top them with the broccoli slaw. Divide and pour the chicken broth mixture over each skillet. Cover skillets, reduce heat and let it all steam up for 6 or 7 minutes then serve topped with green onions. Those who like things hot can add red pepper flakes. This hot, garlicky, gingery broth is just what the doctor ordered for a cold, and it's really tasty! Enjoy!

Photos from the Miss Fitt website: http://missfitt.com/

Yoga - Let The Spirit Move You

Seems many are enjoying the benefits of yoga. I, too, have tried this meditative, beneficial and ancient discipline from India. I have found many of the poses tough to accomplish or hold, however. Come to find out, there's a real secret to mastering these exercises. The technique is as old as yoga itself. Simply, you must let the spirit move you. The spirit can be gin, vodka, or rum. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that you are open to the spirit and committed to obtaining the positions. Below is photographic evidence of the effectiveness of employing this principle. Buddhists hold that "meditative absorption" should be combined with mindfulness in yoga. I know many Ungirdled Women join me in the belief that alcohol absorption is a quicker way to relaxation and inner peace, as well as an aid in conquering difficult yoga poses. Below, we have traditional yoga practitioners on the left, and Ungirdled practitioners who have allowed "spirit" to move them on the right.

Halasana

Excellent for back pain and imsomnia.

(I ask you, who has the most limber vertebral column here?! The yoga devotee on the right is obviously feeling NO back pain and insomnia is a thing of the past!)

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana

This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

(It is evident to me that the student on the right has achieved total calmness of the brain)

Marjayasana

Position stimulates the midrift area and the spinal column.

(Personally, I think the student on the right is very clever to incorporate

a bench in the stimulation of the midrift area

Balasana

Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

(The practitioner on the right is so calm, he can perform this pose right on a city street!)

Ananda Balasana

This position releases the sacrum and low back and opens the hips

(I don't know what a sacrum is, but I think the dude on the right looks very open.)

Dolphin

Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

(Our champ on the right is also getting a nice mud treatment for his cheek as he holds this pose, making the "dolphin" a multi-porpoise exercise! They charge a FORTUNE for mudpack treatments in those swanky spas. Smart!)

Pigeon

Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of "stress."

(Who looks the most uptight to you here?)

Savasana

Position of total relaxation.

(Who do you view as more relaxed: the chick on the mat on the left, or the dude

soooo calm, he can maintain this pose on a public bus? 'nuff said, me thinks!)

I hope you've found this information to be enlightening and helpful. Just thinking about it makes me anxious for my next yoga session, and why not? It's five o'clock somewhere!

(Special thanks to my wonderful sister-in-law for emailing these photos!)

The S Word Has Hit The Fan

I know, I know. I’ve been slackin’ on blog posts. Most of it is due to the S word hitting the fan. Yes, school has started. Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness has ended. I’m trying to accept it with good spirits (the best gin, vodka and rum money can buy) and keep a brave face, although not an attractive one when you must rise in the dark and rattle the monkey cages of Things One & Two to get them going.

One of the reasons I dread school starting is the early wake-up time. Thing One has to be at his bus stop at 6:30 AM, while Thing Two has to be at his at 6:45. I drive them to their stops, as each are about a half mile away, and while that’s not a bad walk, everyone who owns a teen knows it defies the laws of nature for them to be awake at that time let alone awake and coherent enough to walk that distance. It takes a good hour and about 73 ounces of Mountain Dew before such a thing can even be considered.

Another thing I hate about the start of school is my inability to say no to volunteering. Actually, I have gotten better about it, as I am doing less this year. I think part of the reason I find it hard to say no is it seems the same 30 women volunteer and do EVERYTHING for the PTA. Many of these women work full time outside the home. And always look impeccable. And are always organized, friendly and nice! I feel like if they can do all that and volunteer so much, I should step up and do something every year. I am in total awe of these wonder women and, of course, really jealous. This envy was the inspiration for the greeting card idea shown upper right. I have never actually known a PTA president on Prozac, I just love alliteration and the way this character allows the green-eyed monster in me to poke fun at the women who can do it all, since I am so jealous I can't . (The greeting card publisher bought the line – see it here – but did not buy this particular one.)

Anyhoo…if you have kids who have recently started school at your house, you have my sympathies and you all have my promise to try and do a little better at posting more often! Happy school daze!

My Husband: Living Up To The TV Stereotype OR Can I Get A "Happy Birthday" In Da House?

I have a terrific husband.  I really do.  He’s a wonderful father, supportive friend, great provider and so much more.  When it comes to birthdays and holidays, though, he lives up to the sitcom stereotype.  Think Ricky Ricardo, Tim Taylor or Fred Flintstone.   Saturday was my birthday, and he forgot it.  This wouldn’t seem so bad, except HIS IS JUST THREE DAYS BEFORE MINE. Oddly, it ALWAYS works out this way.  EVERY year.  For as long as we’ve known each other.  For 22 years now.  Never changes.  Also, girlfriends had taken me and another friend with an August birthday out to dinner Thursday night to celebrate.  The breakfast bar was decorated with about a dozen cards I had received.  There were a number of “hints.”

We awoke Saturday morning, got up, did the usual making the bed, starting the coffee, and letting the dog out.  No “happy birthday.”  I went in my office and checked my email.  There were about a gazillion facebook notifications that people had wished me a happy birthday on my profile page.  This was my first birthday having a facebook account and I was really touched by all the warm wishes – even the neighbor boy I had beaten up when we were 10 for bullying my younger sister wished me a happy birthday. 

I went back into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee.  Ricky-Tim-Fred was looking at the paper.  Since we had been out the night before at a surprise party a friend’s husband threw for his wife’s birthday and enjoyed a few adult beverages, and it was MY BIRTHDAY,  I felt like having a really bad, really fattening, morning-after breakfast.   I wanted a Hardee’s biscuit.  We try to eat pretty healthy most of the time, so it had been at least a year since we’ve had Hardee’s biscuits.  The idea of getting one would surely prompt him to remember today was a little different, especially since I had asked him the day before his birthday FOUR DAYS AGO what he’d like for his birthday breakfast and he told me Panera bagels which I got for him along with his beloved grapefruit and fresh-squeezed orange juice and put out with a card, coffee and newspaper at his place at the table THREE DAYS AGO on his birthday.  I thought I’d dangle some bait.  “I think I’ll go to Hardee’s and get a biscuit.  Would you like one?”  (Surely, he’d say “happy birthday,” and happily offer to make the Hardee’s run.)  “Really?” he replied.  “Yes,” I said.  “I think I’d like to have one TODAY.”   “Hmmmmm…” he replies and adds, “Get me a cinnamon-raisin biscuit.  Are you getting some for the boys?”  “Of course,” I replied, admittedly a bit miffed.

I grabbed my purse and keys and was out the door.  In route, I rang up my good friend and neighbor who answered the call with a bright “happy birthday!”  “Thanks,” I replied telling her she was the first to verbally tell me that and told her about Ricky-Tim-Fred.  “Can you believe that $#@*?” I asked.  My friend said she could, as her family went nearly all of Mother’s Day one year before wishing her a happy one.  This occurred, she said, only after they had heard someone else say “happy Mother’s Day” while they were out.   She had asked me days earlier what I would like to do on my birthday and I had told her I thought going to the beach would be nice.  Since it was overcast, she offered to take me to the spiffy mall downtown for lunch and shopping.  I happily accepted, hung up, and went through the drive-thru.  

When I returned, I said, “Here’s your biscuit,” to Ricky-Tim-Fred who began reading a story to me from the newspaper.  I wanted to say, “Are you reading that from the newspaper with TODAY’S DATE ON IT?  THE DATE OF MY BIRTH?”  But I didn’t.  I was not so much mad any more as I was curious how long it would take for him to realize it was indeed my birthday.  He ate his biscuit, read the paper, and then retired to “the library” for a lengthy sojourn as he does every morning after breakfast.  I got in the shower and dressed for my outing.  On the way out, I popped my head into his office and told him I was going out shopping and to lunch (something I rarely do) with my friend and would be back before dinner.  “Are you mad at me?”  he asked, “You seem a bit short,” he added.  “No.  Are you mad at ME?” I asked back.  “No, why?” he asked.  I couldn’t wait any longer.  I had to tell him.  “Well, I was just wondering, because it’s MY BIRTHDAY and I was thinking you MIGHT say ‘happy birthday.”  “Oh,” he said looking at the floor.  “I’m sorry.  I forgot.” 

Later in the day, I was telling another friend about Ricky-Tim-Fred forgetting my birthday.  She replied that after a similar thing had happened to her with her husband she was complaining to her favorite aunt who told her, “You expect to much of them.  They’re men.  They’re good at hunting, killing food and sex.  That’s what they can do, and that’s about all.”  Her aunt’s right.  I have to be grateful that Ricky-Tim-Fred does hunt up a good living for us the other 364 days of the year, is an attentive father, killer of bugs, plungerer of toilets, and janitor when it comes to dog vomit.  Birthday and holiday guy he is not.  That’s what girlfriends are for, and I am lucky and grateful to be very wealthy in that area, too. I really DO need to make those family sports cards I talked about here.

Letters To Manufacturers & The Deciders Of Things

One huge, affluent segment wields more spending clout than any other: Ungirdled (aka Baby-Boomer) women.* We are the most consumingest consumers.  We’ve also been around the block.  Because of this and the fact that we are running low on estrogen, this makes the people who should and WILL tell manufacturers and the powers that be HOW things should be.  Following are a few of my questions and ideas.  I am sure you have plenty, too! (do I feel the start of a series coming on?)

Dear Women’s Magazine Editors & Publishers:

Why do you always promote the latest diet and exercise regimes on your cover ALONG WITH a picture of a decadent cake or pie you’re also promoting the recipe for? 

Also, why to you feature pants that cost $730 and blouses that run $255 and boots that cost $500 in your fashion pages when the average reader could never dream of spending that much on a single piece of clothing or pair of shoes?  You must we aware of this with all the coupons and articles on financial advice from Suze Orman and others you print. 

Dear Slim Fast Shake Makers:

Orange and vanilla shakes are nice, but why not make your products in flavors we chubbies really like?  For example, Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookie, Hot Krispy Kreme Donut, Whopper with fries. 

Dear Pet Food Manufacturers:

Lamb and rice is a nice flavor for dogs’ kibble, but why not make flavors dogs really seem to go for?  Ideas include:  crotch, cat feces, garbage, expensive shoe, furniture, and homework. Maybe if dog food came in these flavors, dogs would not destroy these things around the house, dogs would be happier, and your sales would go up.  You could help out wild birds by making wren and finch-flavored cat food, too.

Dear New Home Developers:

Why do you insist on taking down every tree in a new development and then naming streets after them?  Is that like a memorial?  I think we’d all rather you leave a few of the trees and name the street Concrete or Asphalt Lane instead of taking them all down and then naming streets Elm or Maple. 

What letter would you write?  Please hit the word “comments” below and let us know!

*Mary Brown, Carol Orsborn, Ph.D., Marketing to the Ultimate Power Consumer—The Baby-Boomer Woman