(Today, beloved Ungirdled readers, is a special guest column by Valerie Johnston for the website Healthline.com on something we've all faced or will face. Enjoy and check out Healthline.com when you get the chance!)
What We
Want is a Pregnant Pause for Menopause
First, let it be said
that most women agree that there is nothing funny about menopause. That said, it might as well be approached
with humor; every woman who reaches an age when menopause creeps into life is
going to experience it. It might
as well have a light-hearted side.
And after a life long struggle with monthly female issues, month after
month, year after ragged year, maybe it is time for some levity when, some time
into the creep, you suddenly realize: Oh.
No more periods. Isn’t that
worth celebrating?
So, what have you to
look forward to if the creeping paws of menopause have not yet set upon
you? It is a slow process. If you were expecting something that
would be a quick-change artist; a dash into the walk-in closet, throw on a new
frock, old lady threads, and repeat that over the cycle of the moon, and voilà, you’re now a completed woman (oh,
but there is something incomplete), you need the quiet, pregnant pause to
reconsider. Don’t take too long in
contemplation. It’s a long time
going down the road, but the road has a quick beginning.
The first thing you
might notice – and it may be a couple of months before it slaps its dose of
reality – is that your periods stopped.
There may be a sudden twist of regret in the womb: it is the finality of
youth and procreative power. Never
again, it echoes, never, ever…
Motherhood does have its joys and sorrows. The sorrows lose their sting after a time, but the joys last
forever. Never, ever again. You may suddenly feel like you are the
next model, a female this time, for the Old Man of the Year with a scythe
draped over your shoulder. You are
bent over, hobbling. With the end
of the year comes the sudden realization: no more periods! And life did not end after all. In fact, a look in the mirror and you
may not even see a wrinkle or a gray hair. Isn’t that worth celebrating?
Wait! Why am I laying here in bed, middle of
the night in the dead of winter, and I’m having night sweats? I’m having lunch with my daughters --
two married, one not yet -- the next afternoon. The fan in the restaurant is right over our table, and I’m
having day sweats! “Hells’ bells,
is it hot in here or is it just me?”
They look at me, shrugging.
I’m positively drenched. Is
there a fire? Did the sprinklers
just turn on? They don’t have a
clue! Just you wait for mother’s
revenge! I’ll get you, my
pretties.
I’m looking in the mirror;
just waking up, putting on my make-up, and, even though it is “that time of
month,” I suddenly have a happy tune rolling through my head. “I’m as corny as Kansas in August, I’m
as normal as blueberry pie…” The
creeping paws have delivered another piece of pleasure pie: no more mood swings! Finally, for the first time since we
were married thirtummmmmmmmy mmm-mmm years ago, my husband may be able to look
at me, listen to me, and he will likely understand everything I said. Did he change, or did I? Who cares? If I was from Venus and he was from Mars, we have finally
coordinated a landing in the middle on Earth, but it feels like heaven. Isn’t that worth celebrating?
Take off the sad face,
hold for a good, long, pregnant pause and celebrate the creeping paws of
menopause.
Valerie Johnston is a health and fitness writer located in
East Texas. With ambitions of one day running a marathon, writing for Healthline.com
ensures she keeps
up-to-date on all of the latest health and fitness news.
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