Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Girl Scout Cookie Sales Alternatives For The Ungirdled Nation

It’s that time of year again. Just when we realize our new year’s resolutions to lose weight aren’t going to pan out, cherub-faced do-gooders known as Girl Scouts begin ringing our door bells to hawk their irresistible cookies. Just what my fudge-filled thighs need, a coating of Thin Mints. (The name is even enticing – THIN mint, when it’s anything but.) Who can resist them or the delectable Dos-si-dos and Tagalongs? The answer is no one. That is why, since this highly-anticipated annual event began in 1917, the obesity rate has risen like 713% (give or take a few hundred percent). The number one seller, the Thin Mint, has 160 calories per serving of four cookies. Who can and does eat just four at a time?! With over 200 million boxes of Girl Scout cookies sold each year, and 25% of them being thin mints, and a pound of fat equating 3,500 calories, basic math tells us that thin mints alone are responsible for over 17 bazillion pounds gained by Americans each year.

Girl Scouts are in no way to blame for the obesity epidemic. I sold Girl Scout cookies as a girl, and my mother even served as Girl Scout district distribution manager one year. We had cases and cases all over our home and garage. I am a big (thanks to the cookies, make that HUGE) fan of scouting. While they are not the problem, I do look to Girl Scouts, as among the brightest and best our country, to be leaders in the solution.

Scouting is an incredibly valuable program that needs and merits our support. Did you know that in 2005, 71.5 percent of women in the U.S. Senate and 67.1 percent of the women in the House of Representatives were former Girl Scouts? In 1942, when there were sugar, flour and butter shortages during World War II, Girl Scouts took to selling calendars in lieu of cookies. In that spirit, I have come up with a suggested list of things Girl Scouts can sell instead of cookies that today’s consumer (and Ungirdled Woman) could really use and appreciate:

• Spanx

• Estrogen patches

• Designer shoes

• Thigh masters

• Botox injections

• Liquor

Here’s what I think is the best idea of all: get the Slim Fast people to come up with a new, thin mint flavor exclusively for Girl Scouts. A S’mores flavor wouldn’t be bad either. I think they would be huge sellers - almost as big as my thighs.

If, like me, you know you’re going to succumb to the sweet-faced pushers of thin mint ecstasy, you can visit the official Girl Scout Cookie website here to review all the varieties and acquaint yourself with the latest additions. I know I’ll be getting to know them all too well. One thing I especially like about Girl Scout cookie sales is, once you’ve been approached by the 27th neighbor girl selling them, the option to have some of the cookies you purchase go to military troops serving overseas. There’s a cookie purchase good for your heart and waistline!


  1. already ordered the chocolate/peanut butter ones....should have saved my money and gotten botox. If I eat the whole box of cookies, my face will be so fat it will look like I did get botox!

  2. I have never trusted scouts.. They're up to funny buisness.

  3. I am a sucker for the samoas. But, I only eat like a few a year so I have boxes piled up in my freezer from at least 2 years ago. I wish they would come back with some updated version of the calendar sales. So much healthier and would be a great organizational tool.

  4. Sheila - you make a good point! Fight wrinkles with saturated (yummy!) fat vs. Botox! Wynn...you may be onto something...Thanks for stopping by!

  5. Laura - I admire your willpower! Frozen or not, those suckers would be calling my name until they were gobbled up. Two years?!! They would maybe last two days in this house. Of course, we're all part pig.

  6. Tracy, this post cracked me up today! Four Thin Mints, indeed! Are people crazy? I feel like I'm just getting started at four!

    I had a Girl Scout in my house for many years, which was dangerous indeed. We sold cookies, sure, but -- as "mom" -- I always felt compelled to make up some kind of difference for her (to get to some next "level" or meet some troop goal), so we always ended up with WAY TOO MANY BOXES! They'd be lined along my dining room wall, and it was like walking into a torture chamber -- I didn't even want to know which we actually ordered!

    Anyway, over the years I managed to get through Girl Scout cookie season, but not without adding a pound or two! Cookies are my kryptonite! (And did you know there was a nut season, too? egads. ...).

    P.S. The Girl Scouts HAVE added some "diet" cookies (lower sugar), and I have to admit they are quite good! But really, why didn't they start by figuring out how to make those Thin Mints lower cal???

  7. Oh dear lord (or should I say LARD?) Laurie, I did NOT know there was a Girl Scout nut season! When does it start? Please warn us before it hits so we can be on alert! At least nuts are supposed to contain "healthy" fat. I have heard about the GS diet cookies, and while I've never met a cookie I didn't like, I figure if you're going to have a cookie (or 17) have a COOKIE! Thanks for stopping by!

  8. Girl Scouts selling liquor.

    That. Is. Genius.

    :-D Anna

  9. Thanks, Anna! I think having liquor delivered to your door (it could even be thin mint-flavored vodka) would be a good way to keep those who drink and drive off the roads. I, I mean people, would pay a lot for that.

  10. Thin Mint vodka?! *snort* That's funny!

    Nut season is in the fall, so sometimes you'll see the scouts in front of the grocery store right before Christmas (Novemberish). (Actually it IS great timing for those little Christmas goodies!)

    And I like your rationalizing -- nuts do have "healthy" fat. But in true Girl Scout tradition, many of these varieties are covered with sugary and chocolatey goodness. : )

    Fun post, Tracy! You always make me smile. ...