Teenage Enigmas

If you’ve ever encountered a teenager, either in the wild or its natural habitat, you know the species are walking-sassing contradictions. I have the torment pleasure of observing two in the habitat I share with them. Some observations from the field:

• The same subjects which spend hours grooming their hair to get it just right will play it fast and loose with the rest of their bodies while operating a motor vehicle. Need proof? Watch the chaos in the student section of a high school parking lot ten minutes before the first bell rings. Your hair will turn gray - if you live to tell about it.

• The cross country athlete who will regularly run 5 or more miles at practice will find it impossible to make the 17 foot trek from table to dishwasher.

• The member of Model UN, a group which focuses of solving the world’s most pressing problems, can’t figure out how to shut the refrigerator door.

• The same specimen which will not let you forget that you got the name of one of his six teachers wrong FOUR YEARS AGO can’t remember to pack the next day’s homework in his backpack.

• The subject which rarely misses a shot on the basketball court can’t seem to ever make an item of dirty laundry land in the hamper or used tissue in the trash can.

• The typical specimen can text 272 words a minute to a friend, the same amount of time it takes them to type five for their English essay.

• While in its natural habitat, subject behaves as though separated from John McEnroe at birth. Natural enemies teachers report behavior of angel while outside the habitat.

• The student who dreads oral presentations doesn’t ever seem to mind lecturing you at home. Not ever. Favorites on the in-home lecture series include: “You don’t know how to act in public,” “My life is WAY harder than yours!” and “There’s nothing to eat in this house.”

• You constantly ask yourself how the most clueless, most embarrassing couple in the entire universe could have produced people who know absolutely everything except how the two of you can be so lame.

I know there are some I missed, because the study of these creatures can be exhausting and the liquor intake required to live with the can make you forgetful. What contradictions have you observed in your study of teen behavior?

Card above is ©Tracy Kunzler and sold at www.bottman.com, see “Reel Life Horrors” cards.