• You usually find yourself to be the most interesting and amusing person at a party.
• You've reached the age when you need to drag out just as many tools to prune and trim your face as you do your yard.
• You don’t make a habit of using Halloween as an excuse to dress as a skanky “French maid” or pirate wench with low-cut top, micro mini dress, fishnet stockings and four inch heels (such practical garb for cleaning or sailing the high seas!).
• You’re interested in a man who performs well in your flower bed.
• There’s no way you would go back to your 20s, unless you could take your current-day mind, heart and soul (and bank account) with you!
• You’d like to taser those who say you should just think of hot flashes as power surges. Such people probably think those with herpes should think of the condition as a reminder that somebody once found them attractive.
• You think wearing thong underwear makes as much sense as using a strip of scotch tape instead of a baggie to protect your sandwich.
• Life has taught you a lot, and you and look forward to learning even more… with Ungirdled Passion!
(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)
just wiser. And more relaxed and fun. Oh yeah, and wealthier.
I like to think of myself as a visionary. I'm not, but I like to think of myself that way, so in anticipation of your questions, I've provided the following. Feel free to email me at email@example.com if I forgot anything.
Q: What is you favorite weapon to use in a bar fight?
A: NEVER the cocktail I am holding. That is always a LAST resort. I’ll use whatever is closest to me, as after years of bar fights, I have learned to improvise – a pool stick, cocktail onions, a bar towel - you’d be amazed what I can do with those things - especially when I'm running low on estrogen.
Q: Hellman’s or Miracle Whip?
A: Duh. Duke’s mayo – always. The light version is also the best light mayo in my opinion.
Q: What should I get my mother-in-law for her birthday?
A: Anything from Making Happy! You can conveniently shop in the comfort of your home for handcrafted gifts and home decor MADE IN AMERICA at http://www.etsy.com/shop/makinghappy
Q: Which Darrin did you like the best on Bewitched?
A: Mmmmm. This has always been a hard question for me. Because the first Darrin, (Dick York, 1964-1969) was dorkier and seemed weaker and genuinely more panicked about Samantha’s powers, he didn’t make me quite as mad as Darrin #2 (Dick Sargent, 1969-1972) whenever Darrin got angry at Samantha for using her powers when he deemed it inappropriate. I’ve never quite gotten over the fact that they changed Darrins on us.
Q: Do you talk about Fight Club?