I was working on another post as my first “real” post, when something alarming and disturbing came to my attention. I knew you’d want to know about it too.
Just when I thought this recession couldn’t get any worse, THE WORST has happened. I was strong when some of my favorite gift shops around town closed up, resilient when local real assessments plummeted, and I kept a stiff upper lip when I learned Polaroid would no longer make its magical cameras and film, but THIS is too much.
According to a recent prediction by Moody’s Investor Service, Krispy Kreme Donuts is in real danger of closing up shop. WTF?!!! Most Ungirdled women will count Krispy Kreme donuts – their hot, glazed donuts - as one of life’s simplest yet greatest pleasures. (Ungirdled woman have the experience and wisdom to know what is worth the calories.) If you have never had the good fortune to go to Krispy Kreme when the “hot sign” is on and indulge in the warm, orgasmic goodness of their fresh-off-the-conveyor-belt glazed pieces of heaven in donut form, I urge you to go to www.krispykreme.com and seek out the closest location. TODAY. Call ahead to find out when the hot light is on, and go there and wait. You will not be sorry. Don’t believe me? Maybe you’ll believe world-renowned culinary expert Chris Rock. This is what he has said about Krispy Kreme donuts:
“Krispy Kreme is Kracky Kreme. That’s how good Krispy Kreme donuts are. If I told you right now they had crack in it, you’d go, ‘I knew something was up. I knew these donuts are too damn good. Got me knocking on the donut window at 2 o’clock in the morning, going, “C’mon, man! Open up man! Give me one more donut! I’ll do anything! I’ll suck your (bleep)! That should be the new slogan for Krispy Kreme. Krispy Kreme: so good, you’ll suck a (bleep)! ’”
Unlike Chris Rock, I can’t guarantee that a hot Krispy Kreme will be (bleep)-sucking good to you. Every woman sets her own (bleep)-sucking terms, and an Ungirdled woman’s are incredibly stringent. I can promise you’ll be glad you made the trip. Remember, the Krispy Kremes have to be hot. A hot Krispy Kreme is an entirely different animal than a cold or even room temperature Krispy Kreme.
While I don’t get to Krispy Kreme very often (it’s a good thing it’s located across town, otherwise I’d weigh every bit of 400 pounds), like the mother you don’t call every day, it’s always a comfort to KNOW it’s there for you. Like many Ungirdled women, I have lots of fond memories involving Krispy Kreme donuts. As a small girl, our brownie troop toured our local Krispy Kreme, delighted by the sight of those beautiful rings of dough taking a gentle bath in hot oil, followed by a shower of glistening sugar glaze. My father would make an early morning fishing trip more appealing with the promise of a hot Krispy Kreme on the way to the shore. Throughout middle school and high school, we sold dozens to fund school field trips and activities. When we were young and mom had to be hospitalized for a hysterectomy (that’s when they use to hand out hysterectomies like bank tellers handed out lollipops), my father wanted to console us in her absence with a treat of hot Krispy Kremes for breakfast. Knowing he wouldn’t have the time to drive to Krispy Kreme and back that particular morning, he purchased the donuts the night before to warm them in the oven for us the next morning. I grew up thinking my daddy could do no wrong. But I soon found out trying to make your own hot Krispy Kremes was a big, heaping bowlful of wrong. They turned hard and crunchy and truly inedible. We laugh about it now, but it took decades to get to that place. There are few things worse than anticipating a hot Krispy Kreme and getting what we kids actually got that day.
I encourage you to take your children or grandchildren and make your own special…sniff…Krispy Kreme memory before it’s…sniff, sniff…too late. Be sure to take your…sniff…Polaroid to capture the event.