For those of you who don’t know, I am the
zookeeper mother of 16 year-old twin orges boys. Most of you Ungirdled women who have/had teenagers will relate.
They were THE sweetest children. They actually seemed to like us and even thought we might know a little more than they do. That all started to change just a couple months before their thirteenth birthday, or as we now say, just before they turned TURDteen.
Now, of course, my husband and I are the lamest, stupidest, MOST EMBARASSING people on the planet. Yet we somehow produced the two smartest people in the universe. If you have teens, you know what I am talking about. If you don’t and you think you might want children, forget that carrying-around-an-egg-for a-week-thing to see if you’re up to the job. Just borrow a teen (there are tons of willing parents!) and parent that teen for a couple hours. If you can do this and still think handling teenagers is no big deal, then by all means, go ahead. But, before you do, please go sign up for the special forces - they could really use a few people like you.
Our two teen-type “people” not only think of my husband and I as lame, embarrassing morons, they think of us as servants. Consider the love notes our angels taped outside their bedroom doors for us last night. (I should preface by saying my husband and I wake our angels from their slumber each morning. This week, local high schools are conducting SOL testing which means students can go in much later than normal when they don’t have an SOL test scheduled, which mine did not.)
Anyhoooo…this is the love note left by Thing One in about 157 point type:
DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES,
GET ME UP ANY EARLIER THAN 8:35 A.M.
And this beautiful letter was penned by Thing Two:
If it is earlier than 8:25 a.m.,
turn around and walk away.
If you are still having difficulty,
proceed to jump face-first off the balcony.
“Touching,” said my husband as he and I stood outside their rooms reading these love letters around 7:00 a.m. “Yes,” I acknowledged. “Makes me want to reach out and touch the authors.” My husband then said, “I guess dem boys plum forgot dat I’s too stupid to know how to tell time,” just before he began rapidly and loudly pounding on their doors well before the “allowable” times.
I love that embarrassing moron-servant.
Greeting card featured can be purchased (along with a lot of other terrific cards) at Bottman Design under Reel Life Cards.